The King of the Day (blind_by_fear) wrote,
The King of the Day

I come bearing a fic!

Title: Only then
Author: blind_by_fear
Pairing: Benji/David; Seb/David
Rating: erm...PG-13?
Summary: Only then did I see all the love, caring and kindness, I could have received...
Disclaimer:never happened....I don't think, anyway...

Sit down

Shut up

I frown,

Listen up

You never listen to me, I’m obviously ignored, and I know you won’t even listen to me now, Benji, but we’re through. I can’t live with the way you look up at him, like he’s a god. He’s your brother. It’s sick, disgusting, wrong, and no matter how you look at it, not even possible. He’s straight anyway, or at least that’s what I thought before I found you two on the couch, hands flying everywhere, mouths and tongue working on the other’s and clothes ditched on the other side of the room. I thought you had enough morals to even consider that this could possibly hurt me. But you never even looked at me. You knew I was there, the entire time I stood frozen, eyes widened and bag dropped at my feet, and jaw hanging open a bit. At least he noticed and tried to push you off, but you wouldn’t even stop for a moment. He stopped fighting you and relaxed into the rhythm again, forgetting me… again.

I hate you,

You know it,

You hate me,

So show it

I ran down the stairs, even keeping the door wide open. I didn’t care about my things, I’d go inside once you were finished and get my things, but for now I needed to sit and rest. Think things over, think of any hints… they were all over. I knew this was going to happen someday, I just didn’t expect it this soon, I guess. He came down from the apartment, saw me, and scurried off. He was wearing your shirt, so I wasn’t at all surprised when you came down in his. You looked at me and held out your hand. Stupidly I took it and walked back up and into the apartment. I picked up my bag and began packing all my stuff, shaking my head and sighing softly. You came in and offered me coffee.

This is how it goes-

you throw something,

Let the anger flow

I break something,

This is how it goes.

I sneered and objected, pushing you away, but you came back. The coffee sitting on the table was lukewarm, so you threw it at me, letting the liquid seep into my shirt, causing me to gasp and plunge at you, trying to get you back, then you push me back, I scream out a string of curses, both in French and English, before you threw me against the wall, I landed and fell forward, lunging at you and shoving you back, making you fall and break the table.

The damage you’ve caused

Is unfixable

Look at me, look at my flaws

They’re not that minimal.

You hurt me bad, I had just come home, ready to unpack my suitcase and crawling in bed, snuggling up to you and your inked warmth. But instead the door flew open and I stared, calmly collected myself, then walked out and sat on the steps outside, just thinking, not even shedding a single tear. So I walked out of the apartment with my bags of clothes and belongings, leaving you sitting on the broken pieces of table and hailed a cab. I sniffled twice the entire half-hour journey to Pine Street. This was where Seb and Pierre lived. In different apartments, but they had them in the same complex. Seb was still standing outside, just exiting his cab with his bags, when I bolted out with mine, catching up to him and smiling weakly, nodding towards his apartment. Without question he let me in and immediately hugged me, kissing my forehead and telling me that it would be alright. Only then did I shed any tears. Only then could I even think about it. Only then could I look up into the blue eyes and see all the love, caring and kindness I could have received, and glad I didn’t get it from you, Benji. I love Seb more than you could know, and he loves me back, never had his eyes on someone else, not one single other person. I love Seb, and he loves me. You love Joel, and Joel loves you. I hate you, and you hate me.
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